My Birthday Gift to Self

Birthdays are always special. No matter how old you turn. You feel excited and plan in advance as to how you’re going to spend this special day. As my birthday is approaching, a question keeps coming to my mind: how will I celebrate it this time?

I had no special plans until a friend shared his ideas on ‘birthday gifts to self’. Like every year, this year too I would have searched for a restaurant on Zomato and thrown a party. While this remains a tradition, I’m compelled to think outside the box.

What else will I gift myself? It won’t be a gadget for sure. An answer that immediately popped! After all, a gift doesn’t have to be tangible.

Then what?

I brainstormed for a couple of days. All alone.

I almost cut off from the outer world. Because only I know how I have changed over the years. What more changes I want in my life. Where my life is heading. Only I know my strengths and my weaknesses. Only I know my deeds. Therefore, only I can give myself a priceless gift.

After days of deep introspection, I finally know what I want for myself. I want a gift that is timeless. Something that can be utilized right in the moment and in the future. Something that I can fall back onto each time my life runs haywire. A gift that I would want to give myself every moment, every year till I live.

So, here’s what I’m gifting myself:

1.      Acceptance of changes

I realize that I’m not very open to life’s changes. I hold on to things tightly, only to see them slipping away from my hands. I don’t accept changes easily. I have always learned things the hard way.

So, why not show some kindness to myself and make my life easier? Changes are painful, But not as painful as feeling stuck. The biggest limitation is the one we make up in our mind.

How do I remove this barrier? By

§  Setting my mind free

§  Not overthinking

§  Figuring out what’s worth my attention

2.      Mastering the art of knowing ‘when to stop trying’

When you pursue something, you give your best to make things fall in place. It’s specially true for the matters close to heart. But sometimes, even after trying hard, they don’t bring desired fruits. And in this process we often forget that we can’t keep hanging onto something for too long. We can’t allow ourselves to be crippled by disgust, frustration and stress. We need to understand that there’s a difference between trying and holding on to.

There are some things that aren’t meant to be. And that’s okay. Holding on to them neither takes away my worries nor does it help me achieve them. Either way I suffer. So, this year, I will let go of the things that I was holding on. If they are meant to be, they’ll find a place in my life. I will make a conscious effort to master the art of knowing ‘when to stop trying’.

3.      Letting go of my guilt

Gender plays an important role here. Women have the habit of feeling guilty about almost everything that’s happening in their lives. I too am not an exception.

Though habits die hard but I’m committed to let go of the guilt I carry. I’m not defined by a choice or a mistake I made in the past. Yes, I may be accountable for something that didn’t go right. But I won’t criticize myself for anything and everything that’s been happening in my life.

Since no one else lives my life, no one has the right to invalidate my thoughts and actions. Nor would I let anyone make me feel guilty.

These are the gifts I’ll be giving myself on my birthday. I will start anew.

Celebrating a Break-Up and Living Unhappily Ever After..

We Indians have given many groundbreaking innovations to the world. And break-up party is one of them.

Yes, you read it right.

Break-up party is an Indian gift to the world! Sometimes, the very thought of how innovative we, as a nation, are fills me with a lot of pride, gives me goose bumps literally! The world should learn from us, I tell myself!

So a small quiz. Who set the trend of throwing break-up parties in India?

Imtiyaz Ali’s Love Aaj Kal?

Wrong!

The trend was set long ago. Our country has been throwing lavish break-up parties for around seven decades now! And you think the concept is just catching up!

We have been celebrating our break-up every year since 1947. And tomorrow i.e. August 15, 2015, we would be having our 69^th break-up party.

But that’s called as Independence Day, you might be thinking. Yes, it is! Everyone knows it as the Indian Independence Day. That’s how it was sold to the masses, otherwise it would have been impossible to sustain this ritual year after year.

But I call it a break-up. Each year, we celebrate our break-up on August 15^th. 

Why I call it a break-up is because I think we celebrate our hatred for Pakistan more than our independence from the British. The vice versa is equally true, the other party celebrates it a day in advance.

Isn’t it surprising that we are too amiable with those who ruled us and we hate those who were a part of us till yesterday!

So, we celebrate our break-up with our beloved with loads of enthusiasm. This is what we’ve been doing for decades.

Not that it was easy to come to terms with the break-up. We went through terribly painful and ugly times. Break-up left us blue for years. However, we bounced back and ensured that we celebrate the break-up.

And we also ensured that year on year the break-up anniversary celebrations are more lavish than the previous ones. Mind you, it’s not an easy job. You will at least take a decade to make arrangements like we do. It’s the years of hard work that’s helped us gain an expertise in planning and hosting a successful break-up party.

You can’t even remotely imagine what it takes to plan and host a successful break-up party. And if you are one of those small developing nations, forget about it! Do you even know how much money is needed to host such a pompous show? Forget it, if you have a money crunch. Sit in your living rooms and just watch our break-up celebration live on your television sets.

Fascination Continues Decades after the Split

A relationship changes over years. Ours with Pakistan has also experienced many changes. From Nehru-Gandhian arrangement to Modi-fication, it’s been a roller-coaster ride!

Do I need to cite any incidences to justify this? I guess, no.

And the worse is neither of us let bygones be bygones. Even after break-up we are still so fascinated with each other. I mean the fascination takes time to die down!

Whether it’s a general discussion among common people or a so-called parliamentary session, we love to blame Pakistan for everything that is wrong in our country and I am sure it is the same on the other side as well.

We don’t want to lay that baggage down. It seems easier to spread hatred, kill and die than to move past it and look for a solution.

Organizing a Break-up Party

It seems even I enjoy talking about break-up ;)

Just give you some quick tips on how to organize a grand break-up party:

1.    Remember it’s a party. And you will have to keep things lively and colorful. You can’t look sad and dull. Watch the live coverage tomorrow for more ideas.

2.    Color the Sky: We color the sky. We ask our Air Force to spread colors in the sky. And don’t you forget they rehearse for months. If you have gallons of fuel, then only you think of attempting it.

Want to go a cheaper way? Fly colorful kites. For your information, we do both!

3.    Make Sure Everyone Is On It: After all, it’s a lavish party. And it sucks if people don’t participate. We invite our army, school students, and state governments to perform at Red Fort premises.

Yes, we spend the tax payer’s money like water. After all, it’s a grand affair and our ex would also be watching it. The very thought of how happy we are after the break up flares him up.

4.    Invite Your Beloved: That’s cool, no? Just imagine how amazing it is to have your ex invited to the party. We also send invitations to our beloved. But it’s absolutely their choice to accept or deny it.

5.     Have a Big Heart: Come on! You can’t be a jerk on such a happy occasion. Have a big heart like us. We have also given them the liberty to celebrate the break-up a day before.

Don’t you think it’s a right approach?

We are a progressive nation. No matter what’s going inside us, we look cheerful. Instead of crying over our split from our beloved, we celebrate it, each year more lavishly and with more enthusiasm.

We don’t conform.

We celebrate break-up and choose to live unhappily ever after.

'To Mom, With Love'

Before you get to find it, let me confess that I ditched the theme of this blog, for the sake of goodness, positivity and love. Yes, I’ve decided to stay away from complaining and whining, at least in this post. I’ll be unashamedly conformist and clearly biased.  After all, it’s my choice!!!

On a serious note, why I can’t afford to grumble and criticize someone for something at this moment is because my heart is full of love, kindness, faith and peace. Nor is anything unfavorable happening in my life that I want to complain about.

Wondering what happened to me suddenly? Who’s influencing my thoughts and actions? Why a person like me, who is always criticizing something or other, is talking of love?

Hold your horses, everyone! I know you’ve been blessed with vivid imagination. So, before it runs wild, I suggest you to take a look at the title of this post. It’s nothing but a humble attempt at showing honor to my wonderful mother. Quickly, I reach to this conclusion that she is the best person I could ever be with.

I’m sure each of you will agree that none of us would have been the persons we are, without our mothers. I also believe that you won’t mind deviating from your stance ‘every day is Mother’s Day’ and make your mom feel special on this Mother’s Day (May 10, 2015). I know what we owe our mothers is incalculable. And in no way can this make up for our ungrateful tantrums that she’s been enduring.

But as we know, our moms will be more than happy to receive a special gesture from us on this day. So, why not plan something for her and celebrate the most important woman in our lives? Think about it. I’m convinced that you’ll find some sense in it. You may have different approaches and ways to celebrate. But in end what’s important is ‘celebration of motherhood’.

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As Mother’s Day is approaching, I’ve been looking for a gift worthy of this lovely lady in my life. I’m checking out stores, browsing online shops, seeking gift ideas and reading ‘how to’ guides to make my mum feel special. Though I’m scrapped for time, but I don’t want to settle on to something unworthy.

Frankly speaking, I couldn’t find a single gift idea worthy of the most special woman in my life. But what I found was more thrilling and worth sharing. It is unusual but welcoming.

When browsing the web for Mother’s Day ideas, I came across some articles that talked about the unusual and unexpected initiatives that companies are taking to make the lives of mothers easy. They are realizing how brilliantly working mothers are balancing their professional and personal commitments; thus, are amending their policies to accommodate their special needs.

Vodafone Group, the global telecommunications company has decided to set a global minimum for its maternity leave policy. All of the group’s 30 companies around the globe will offer at least 16 weeks of paid maternity leave. Additional benefits, including reduced working hours and no deduction in salaries will also be offered to female employees after giving birth. I accidently landed on this article but I’m glad that I found it. Their effort may not be a Mother’s Day special but their gift to female employees deserves a special mention.

The question I’m asking you is when businesses can think of mothers and take a step in this direction, why can’t we? When organizations are putting a lot of value in women and motherhood, why can’t we? Why can’t we share our mother’s responsibilities?

Most of us underestimate our mums for what they do. Very few of us realize how difficult it is for them to manage a household or balance work and home. Can’t we take this opportunity to thank her for her years-long contribution? Can’t we help them in daily chores and make their lives simpler?

Yes, we can! What better gift will be than this?

And not only children, even men can make their women feel special on this occasion. So what if your kids are too young to celebrate their lovely mother? You can do this on their behalf and create memories that you can relish later in life. Why don’t you get into her shoes and handle one of the hardest jobs for just 48 hours? Here, you can ditch conformity and assume the role of the mommy of the house and let your wife relax this weekend?

Or you can be a part of Tough Mother Weekend campaign that’s currently going on in Australia. A Melbourne woman is challenging fathers to single handedly take care of children and manage household chores. They were to assume the role of mothers the last weekend. But it’s never too late to make your wife feel special. Take this challenge on the coming weekend and pay tribute to the woman in your life.

What I’m going to do is – send a surprise gift to my mom as I won’t be able to be with her and thank her for everything she did and endured for me, with a message ‘To Mom, With Love’.

Little Joys Make Big Differences

Delhi has been my home for more than a decade and a half. I am so obsessed with it that I never want to leave this city. The reason being, the city gave me freedom to live the way I want, to do what I wish to. When young, I always felt clutched and used to wonder if I would ever get to live on my own terms.

And now here I’m, living my life my way, going places that I dreamt of visiting as a child, buying possibly everything I can. Every morning when I face the mirror, I can’t stop admiring myself for being independent, for what I’ve achieved till now and for what I’ll be achieving in the years to come.

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How can I miss on the best things the world has to offer? No chance!!

But something was missing. I didn’t realize it until one winter morning when I woke up early and peeped out of my window. There was something in the air, I felt.

No, the wind wasn’t flowing smoothly. Nor the flowers were blooming. Rather, it was a cold winter morning with a thick fog, in mid January. The street was deserted for a few minutes until I saw a woman with her two school-going children, clad in neatly ironed trousers, shiny blue blazers and well-polished black shoes.

When I stepped into my balcony, I could see that she was literally dragging her kids out of the house, telling them to hurry up or else they would miss their school bus. But the little ones were in no hurry.

“Mama I forgot my lunch box; I’ll quickly go inside and bring it”, said the younger one.

“It’s with me. Now why don’t you run and catch the bus”, his mother yelled at him.

Unwillingly, he with his elder brother continued to walk slowly towards the bus stop, kicking a stone with his well-polished shoes. He waved with a smile when he saw me watching him from the balcony.

I waved back and said, “uff thandi (It’s cold)”. 

“Mujhe to nhi lag rahi. Maine to garam shirt pehni hai (I’m not feeling cold as I’m wearing a warm shirt)”, the little boy said happily.

“Maine bhi (I too have worn warm clothes)”, I replied pointing towards my warm track suit.

“Arre maine to press (iron) ki hui shirt pehni hai, garam garam (No, I’m wearing a freshly ironed shirt. It is warm.)”, he shouted from the end of the road.

I couldn’t help laughing and was wondering at the same time. I was showing him my new tracksuit that I had bought a few days back and that little boy was happy with the warmth a freshly ironed shirt was giving him.

I came back inside and got busy with my morning rituals. But I couldn’t forget his bubbly face, glowing with happiness.   

I realized not only years have mounted up but I have grown materialistic too. Even an expensive tracksuit from one of my favourite brands couldn’t bring that much happiness and satisfaction as that freshly ironed shirt gave to the little boy.

I thought of my childhood when I was happy wearing the same uniform not only for days and weeks but for 12 years. And now here I’m, dissatisfied even when my cupboard is overflowing with expensive stuff.

The real joy was missing.

I wait for big things to happen to feel happy. I wait for special occasions to celebrate. Wearing a freshly-ironed shirt doesn’t give me warmth. Drinking a glass full of milk in one breath, stealing my brother’s chocolates and waking up early on Sunday mornings to watch Rangoli don’t make me happy.

All I’m left with is impulsiveness, dissatisfaction, perplexities, materialism and competition. Knowingly or unknowingly, am I also confining to the society’s definition of a ‘good life’? Am I too becoming a conformist? Am I missing on everyday adventures that life has to offer?

I was constantly thinking and analyzing subconsciously if I was really free and happy. I thought it was me who needed to learn things. That little boy already knew what joy was. I should learn to feel it inside me and in all the small ways possible.

Dressed up and ready to leave for work, I saw myself in the mirror. It said all I needed to know.

It said that I still needed to go back to school! I needed to learn to handle little things and find joy in tiny miracles.

Ab Ki Baar Kejri Sarkar – What AAP’s Brute Majority Means?

Looking at the title of this post, you already have a clue what I’m going to talk about. Yes, it’s AAP’s unprecedented success in Delhi elections! Though victory was expected but I had not imagined that Aam Aadmi Party would end up with a dramatic majority.

Looking at the stats (AAP won 67 of the 70 seats) I’m compelled to think what actually failed Modi-Shah duo. Winning state after state, why was it that the veterans lost so terribly while contesting against a so-called unqualified politician, now Delhi’s soon-to-be chief minister, Arvind Kejriwal? Why couldn’t BJP’s matchless political think tank decode a newcomer’s politics? Why couldn’t the aggressive and innovative duo convince the voters?

Well, I’m neither pro Kejri nor against Modi. I’m in favor of clean politics and Delhi’s development. I won’t say that I’m not happy with the way things turned in AAP’s favor. But more than that I think it’s an apt moment to stop and analyze what Delhi verdict means. Here is what I interpret:

1.       First, everyone in this world is beatable. It’s alright to have a good opinion of you, but you shouldn’t perceive yourself too high. Just when you think you conquered the whole world, someone is already behind you to pull you down. This is what exactly happened to BJP.

2.       Second, Delhi’s verdict is against the absolute power of BJP/Modi-Shah/Hindutava. A city as cosmopolitan and free-spirited as Delhi chooses not to conform. Organizations like RSS and Hindu Mahasabha and their allies can’t find grounds to operate in Delhi the way they want. So what if Modi is in power.

3.       Third, admitting mistakes works in your favor even if you’re a politician. Kejri knew that he made mistakes last time when he was in office. Instead of showing reluctance, he admitted his mistakes and changed his strategies. He cashed in on his ordinary ways of doing things and failing and then mending.

4.       Fourth, you can’t mix religion with politics all the time. Delhi’s youth clearly showed that even ‘Brand Modi’ can’t take advantage of it. The luxury of flirting with religion is gone. Luring minorities won’t bring you votes. Rather politicians need to focus on actual routine issues.

5.       Fifth, you’re constantly under public scrutiny. A prime minister can’t keep talking about his humble beginnings while wearing a designer suit with his name woven all over in golden threads. He can't dwell in past; rather he needs to prove his mettle in present. 

Kejriwal managed to win the hearts of Delhiites whereas it’s a strong blow to Modi-fied BJP. Now the question arises – Will Kejri rely on ‘conventional wisdom’ to deliver his promise to stay put for five years or be a non-conformist and free-spirited as he has always been?

What I Wish for My One-Year Old Niece, Sana!

My sweet baby, love of my life, my dearest Sana,

Today you turned 1. A milestone in itself, as from now on your age will be counted or mentioned in years.

I know the entire family is busy making arrangements for your birthday celebrations. But miles away from you, missing all the fun, all I’m thinking is about you and for you. I know you’re too young to read this, but I’m sure one day you will read it and feel the way I’m feeling right now.

On this day the last year I was so overwhelmed with joy, when I first held you in my arms . I didn’t believe I was so lucky. I got what I wanted. In less than a moment, you became indispensable for me. And every time I look at you or think about you, I feel the same way.

You are, as your name ‘Sana’ describes you, here to shine dazzlingly, resplendently and carve your own path using your cool reserves of wisdom, faculties of observation and kindness and sensitivity.

Today on your birthday, I want to tell you that you’re a crazy child. You do anything and everything to seek attention. You dance; you make crazy noises. You shout; you cry; you play; and you want to eat everything that’s on others’ plates. But my girl, little do you know how much I enjoy being with you. You are such a special girl; I would have taken you from your parents, had it been possible.

My love, I’m sorry for not being able to be with you on your special day. But I know you’re such a happy girl that you barely mind anyone’s absence. While I may be far from you but all my thoughts are for you. On this special day – your birthday, I wish that

§  Life always remains like a fairytale for you. You dress up as beautifully as you have done today on your birthdays.

§  Click a picture when you break your tooth. Nothing less than a selfie is accepted. I know you can operate a cell phone.

§  You never become a part of competition or a rat race when your schooling starts. I wish you develop this understanding right in the beginning that learning is more important. Trust me, grades don’t matter. You may not make it to the best college. But then you can remain surrounded with the best people, no matter where you go. Live a stress-free childhood, unlike the rest of the kids.

§  You make friends with back-benchers. Trust me they are the ones who enjoy life the most.

§  You never have to compromise on your play-time. You have whole life to study and learn. But baby, you won’t find time for your favourite sports, once you’re grown up.

§  You always do what makes you happy and you are strong enough to never go on a guilt trip for not doing what ‘elders’ suggested you or considered right. Think independently.

§  You make good childhood friends. They are the ones who you are most comfortable with. But never take them for granted. It takes more than you can think to nurture relationships.

§  Develop individual relationships with your siblings, cousins or people around you. It’s no body’s business to tell you who to talk to and who not to be with.

§  Find a passion and give more than 100%. Remember your choice doesn’t need approval from anyone.

§  You never profess any religion just for the sake of it. It’s better to adore random beauty and senseless acts of love.

§  You always remain happy with the way you are. You don’t need to look like a so-called ‘diva’. Embrace your individuality. You’re a naturally beautiful and intelligent child. There is nothing that should stress or scare you.

§  You never regret your choices. Be with people who you want to be.

§  Cultivate tastes for finer things. They may not be branded clothes or latest gazettes. Remember you don’t have to possess what’s latest in the market for that. I leave it you what ‘fine’ means to you.

§  Don’t be a conformist or reluctant conformist. Be a non-conformist.  

Here is what I wish for you. You can cross the ones that you don’t like. I understand that you’re a non-conformist and like to do what you feel is right. And I love you because you are you.

Have a great day, my Princess. Bui loves you to the sky and then back.

Alienating Femininity: Psychological Tragedy with Modern Women

The world around us is a walking-talking museum, displaying as diverse collections as the number of people. This museum is entirely different from deadly-boring brick-and-mortar ones. And the best thing about this is that you actually get to deal with the craziest of characters that even Wikipedia is scared of mentioning.

I have been investigating a ‘special’ kind of species for a while now. This category is of women who have somehow assumed a persona that doesn’t come naturally to them. I don’t know what compels them to behave in such a manner. All I can say is that it’s a social and psychological tragedy.

Spill the beans, now. You must be thinking. 

Okay, so let me not keep you waiting anymore. It’s the woman-with-Y-Chromosome.

What?

Yes. The women who live in denial!

Not able to understand? Now I’m sure you had definitely bunked your science classes in school.

However, no worries! Let me explain this to you.

It’s the presence and absence of Y chromosome that determines the male and female sex. Presence of Y identifies with male sex and absence of it with female sex. (Refer to Wikipedia, should you require more details.)

But who exactly are the women with a Y-Chromosome? The question arises.  

Women-with-Y-Chromosome are those who couldn’t accept being born as females (with X chromosome) and try to behave like men in whatever they do. They are either ashamed of their femininity or are not very comfortable with it.

I’m sure each one of us, men included, has come across this special species of women. These are those women who miss no chance to emulate the traits of men. And not to forget they keep boasting they are as strong as men.

If not you, I have definitely come across such women. And let me also tell you that they have trampled their femininity into the ground, in an effort to be equal to men and exhibit masculine traits. They forget that they are women.

The Tragedy

Women-with-Y-Chromosome have somehow dominated the male’s role. They are too fascinated with what men do, the way they carry themselves and of course their masculine traits. Well, if this fascination results in some kind of association, it is absolutely natural. However, if it is other way around, they end up becoming artificial-men.

In a desperate attempt to being manlier than the men, unknowingly and unintentionally, they become a party to reinforcing the superiority of the masculine traits. It’s a social tragedy. And they lose confidence in their femininity. As a result, it becomes hard for them to fit in either of the two categories – men and women. It’s a psychological tragedy.

So, do I mean to say it is bad to display masculine traits? Is it wrong for women to stay strong? All she should do is make and raise children?

No.

As far as I think, both men are women are constructed of two energies – masculine and feminine. However, when women migrate more towards masculine side, they spoil innate delicateness of their womanliness. It’s okay to have fascination towards masculine traits. However, it’s more important to accept yourself as you are. There is no harm in being a woman and behave like one.

Remember the whole world revolves around womanly qualities. Here I’m, not talking about feminine behavior which is socially regulated and policed. I’m talking about traits like love, compassion, empathy, sensitivity, patience, tenderness and forgiveness.

Both men and women can exhibit these traits, but these are influenced by biological factors to a considerable extent. Love, tenderness and sensitivity come naturally to women. Femininity is a special gift to them, which in no way is a weaker trait. A Woman who emulates masculinity will never truly be a man. She would be a hybrid kind who is neither a man nor a woman.

So, there is a need to understand that men and women are tuned differently. There is a natural difference between them. Womanly traits carry a fundamental value that’s more than necessary for sustenance of the society we live in.

So, shed this notion that you are being born with Y-chromosome and accept yourself unapologetically. We are neither superior, not inferior. We are women.